So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
