I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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