I like my sex mixed with concussions.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
