I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
