Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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