you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize