dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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