Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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