I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
