Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
