I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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