I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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