I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
