We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
