Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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