Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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