i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
