We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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