Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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