Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
