Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
