who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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