Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Small penises have feelings too.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize