How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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