I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Operation Purity has been aborted
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
