Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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