i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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