She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
