only if we run a train.
done.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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