Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
