Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
