return my video game
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
