Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
