Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
