so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
