Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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