You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
