Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
