There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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