How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
