help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
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STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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