writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
