someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
