so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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