So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
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