He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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