I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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