the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
