By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
