We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
