I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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