Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize