i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
