Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
