i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
