I molested 6 butterflies tonight
No stitches, just platelets and will power
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Church boner. Awkwardddd
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
