I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
