I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Boobs speak an international language.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize