If i come over, it means nothing
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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