i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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