No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
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My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
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Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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