I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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