his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
