Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
